Accepting Cherry Read online

  “Silly Daddy.” I giggle while snuggling into his chest. “I don’t care about boys. They’re too icky and they have cooties. Missy told me her brothers do gross things with their snot and spit. I’m not looking for Prince Charming yet. Maybe when I get bigger and they learn manners.” Daddy smiles really big at me, showing his dimples proudly and gives me a hug.

  “If you’ll go to sleep early tomorrow will come quickly,” he whispers into my ear as Mama dims the light. I yawn really big and stand from his recliner, hoping he’s right. I skip the entire way to my room, tucking myself in bed. I turn off my bedside lamp and close my eyes, waiting for sleep to come. I don’t like waiting…

  Chapter 2

  Cherry

  I woke up early this morning, eager for my party and my party guests to arrive. I’m driving Mama crazy by dancing all over the house like a loon, singing and twirling. I love to make my skirts fly up really high, but Mama doesn’t like it. I can see she’s losing patience with me and I’m one step away from getting in trouble. I think the only thing saving me is that today is my birthday, so I can probably get away with just about anything. I’m not going to try it though, because I really don’t want a sore, red bottom on my birthday of all days.

  “Cherry, sweetheart, it’s time for you to get ready for your party,” Mama calls out to me, trying to snap me out of my silliness. “You need to put on the swimsuit we laid out for you.”

  My party is going to be the best. I dance around, channeling my excitement.

  “Charisa Martin, stop your twirling and dancing. Silly time is over little miss. You still need to see Grams and have her do your hair. Go on now and get ready,” says Mama in her most stern voice.

  “Yes, Mama,” I say happily. After all, it is my party to get ready for.

  Once my swimsuit is on, I quickly run to see Grams with a hair tie and ask her to put my hair in a French braid. I love braids, because when they come out they make your hair super wavy. All the Disney Princesses have really pretty hair.

  I don’t have to wait long before the doorbell rings. I rush to answer it, skipping all the way to the front door. I open it and it’s as if everyone has arrived at once. I scream shrilly when I see all my girlfriends standing on the other side. I can see Daddy out of the corner of my eye, grabbing his ears really tight and squishing his face up. Whoops, I must be a bit too loud. I want to open my presents right away, but Mama says that’s rude and we should swim in the pool first.

  “Listen girls,” Mama shouts. “There is no running around the pool. Walk slowly so that no one falls. Also, there is a slide to use, but be careful to make sure you’re not going to slide down and land on anyone. Wait until it’s clear before taking your turn.” At that statement we all fall into a fit of giggles, picturing ourselves crashing into each other. “Hush,” she calls out. “I’m not finished with the rules. Please make sure your juice and food stays at the table and the hot tub is for adults only.”

  Mama is finally finished speaking. We walk as quickly as we can through the house, rushing out the patio doors to get into the pool. Mama always goes over the pool rules as if we’ve never heard them before. “Who wants to pretend we’re mermaids?” My friends all scream excitedly as we ease into the cool water. A simple transformation in our minds and this is now our mermaid kingdom.

  I feel like we’ve barely been in here thirty minutes when Mama calls for us to get out of the pool for lunch. Mama is serving a Princess tea time lunch with tiny sandwiches cut into triangles, alongside veggies and dip as well as fresh fruit. Everything tastes so yummy. Grams is walking around with a large garbage bag like she’s the cleaning police, collecting all the paper princess plates so we can get ready for cake.

  “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Cherry, Happy Birthday to you.” Singing voices fill the room as Mama carries my cake lit with candles. She lays the cake in front of me as I face all of my friends. The wax is already starting to drip down the candles. I love my cake, full of color and marked with all the major princesses.

  “Make a wish, Cherry.” I look at Daddy and close my eyes, reciting it inside my mind, hoping that it comes true. It only takes me one try to blow out all the candles. I’ve been practicing. A broad smile spreads across my mouth and I clap happily. I watch as Mama takes out all the candles and puts them onto a plate, being careful to not burn herself on the ends.

  I grab one and place the cake end in my mouth, sucking it clean to taste the icing and cake. “Cherry, stop that. That isn’t lady like,” Mama says, grabbing the small stick candle from me. She hands me the knife very slowly. Mama always allows me to make the first slice into the cake since it’s my birthday. Daddy smiles and takes a picture as I push the blade through the moist cake, beaming at the camera.

  “Oh I love that smile,” says Daddy. “Those dimples are precious.”

  “Daddy,” I scoff playfully. “You’re only saying that because you have them too.”

  I watch, my eyes big and round as Mama cuts me a corner slice, making sure to get me a pink icing rose to eat from the floral garden designed perfectly on my princess cake. I lick my lips in anticipation of how good it will taste as it melts on my tongue.

  “Mmmm,” I moan as I shove a forkful in my mouth. “Grams, you sure do bake the best cakes.”

  “Charisa Marin,” Mama says. “Please don’t speak with your mouth full. Use your manners.” She’s looking at me with a stern look on her face. I think I might be in more trouble if it weren’t for the fact that it’s my party.

  “Yes Ma’am,” I say quietly. I wait till all of my friends are served and we all dig in, enjoying the cake. I’m eager to get to my presents, but I know Mama would tell me I was being rude if I rushed my friends along.

  “I can’t wait till you open my present,” gushes Missy with a big smile on her face. The other girls all smile and nod; each saying the same thing as the other, and that being that their present would be my most favorite. All I know is I’m itching to open my presents, but only when Mama says it’s ok.

  Finally, after the last plate is thrown in the trash, Mama lets me open my presents. I want to rip the paper right off, but Mama won’t let me because she saves a tiny square of all the wrapping that has ever been given to me for a scrapbook she’s been making since I was a baby. What on earth am I ever going to do with a bunch of mismatched paper? This is another one of those times I want to roll my eyes at Mama, but I know better, so I keep my thoughts to myself. I think it’s silly, but Mama assures me that someday I’ll thank her and be happy to have memories of today, as well as all my special days.

  Mama exclaims after each present I open, thanking each of my friends as if she’s the one getting the presents. She goes on and on about how nice all of my friends are to bring me a gift. I nod happily, because she is right. I’m lucky to have so many good friends. I’m not supposed to say aloud, but I think Missy got me the nicest present of all. She gave me a Princess Barbie; one that I didn’t already have. I’ll put her on the shelf along with the rest of my keepsake Barbies that remain in their boxes. I did get some simple Barbies to play with, each still beautiful and fun, but the princesses stay as part of my collection. One day they’re going to be worth something, because all princesses are valuable. My other friends gave me really pretty things too, like a Princess costume and even some special ties for my hair. I can’t wait to use them.

  I love my friends. They have made my special day something I will remember forever. They are the bestest. Mama says that’s not a word, but I think it’s the only word that fits.

  Chapter Three

  Cherry

  August…

  Summer vacation was really nice, but I’m glad to be going back to school. One year has passed and on comes another. I’m waiting for Mr. Stiller to arrive with the bus. Mama is waiting with me, but she’s been very quiet and I know that she’s worried too. When Mr. Stiller arrives, I quickly grab my backpack and give Mama a kiss before getting on the b
us. I find a seat at the back and quietly sit down. I’m gloomy and want to be left alone to sit and look out the window. “Hey Cherry,” says Carter. “You look really sad. Are you ok?”

  I turn to look at Carter, the boy who always teases me, but even he can see that I’m not myself. “Hi Carter,” I say softly. “I’m just worried about my Daddy.” Carter nods his head at me, but then picks a seat by his friends, forgetting all about me and my problems. I sit and stare out the bus window, twirling my hair around my finger and just thinking about my Daddy. I’m really scared for him. He is really sick and isn’t getting better. It all started right after my pool party when Daddy caught a really bad summer cold. He stayed sick for a long time and complained to Mama that he can’t, shake his cough. I should have never had that stupid pool party. Maybe it was something to do with that.

  I know Mama is worried about him, because her lips go into a really thin line often, which happens when she is upset about something. I can’t stop thinking about my Daddy and how sick he is. I want to help him and make him better. Mama wants him to see a doctor, but he keeps telling Mama that he’s fine.

  We arrive at school. Everyone on the bus is very excited and happy; the way I should be. It feels like I’m watching everything from above, seeing all the happiness and noise, but I feel like I’m walking through thick mud and I can barely lift my legs. I throw my backpack over my shoulder and think back to last night and everything that I’ve overheard over the last few weeks.

  Mama is angry that Daddy won’t listen to her and it’s causing them to fight more frequently, which they never do. She says things like, Daddy is stubborn and you’re just like him. She says that like it’s a bad thing leaving a yucky taste in her mouth. Grams said she would talk to him and maybe he would listen to her, but I’m not counting on it if he won’t listen to Mama. She kept telling him not to wait till it was too late. Too late for what, I wonder.

  I heard Mama and Grams whispering in the hall last night after putting me to bed. “Mom, I told you he would wait too long and now it’s too late. That stubborn man makes me want to throttle him, but I can’t. He’s the love of my life, though I can’t help but to wonder things I know I shouldn’t. If he loves me, how could he do this to us?”

  “Cindy, now you know that man isn’t doing any of this on purpose. It’s just unfortunate no matter how you look at it,” Grams tells Mama.

  I throw all of my things into my locker and head into the classroom, continuing to think on the conversation last night. Mama and Grams sure sounded upset. What does Mama mean about it being too late? What is Daddy doing to us?

  I know that Daddy did go see a doctor, but no one talks to me or tells me if he is ok. I may not be very old, but I know when something is wrong. I wanted to ask Mama, but I knew she would just hush me and tell me not to worry myself about adult matters.

  I sit at my desk and lay my head down, wanting to close my eyes for a bit. My tummy still feels funny, like it has butterflies in it. Sometimes I think I want to barf. I really hope that everyone is making matters worse than what they really are. I want everything to be normal and for things to go back to how they used to be. Maybe Daddy is sick because I’ve done something bad. I try to think of any lies that I’ve told and only one comes to mind. I remember that I took gum from Mama’s purse without asking. She doesn’t allow me to go through her purse. I lied when they asked if it was me because I didn’t want to get in trouble. I hope all of this isn’t because of me. I try really hard to be a good girl, but sometimes I forget.

  ***

  Today has been the longest day I can remember since I started school. Usually I love school and it passes quickly, but the past eight hours have crept by. I somehow managed to make it through the school day, trudging along and not being able to fully enjoy seeing all of my friends. I’m still worried about what it is that I may have done to cause all of this to happen, and I can’t stop thinking about it. What if they know and they are just doing this to teach me a lesson? They know something being wrong with Daddy would hurt me really bad.

  Dinner was very quiet, except for Daddy and his cough. Every time he would start up, Mama’s mouth would get really tight and Grams would pat him on his arm, asking if he was okay. Clearly he wasn’t. I didn’t argue about the food on my plate and ate every last bite, so I wouldn’t upset Mama any further. I’m trying so hard to be a good girl and not cause any trouble.

  “May I be excused, Mama?”

  “Yes, Cherry,” she says without even looking at me. “Take your plate to the sink please.” I nod my head even though she can’t see me and do as I’m told. Exiting the kitchen, I trudge slowly up the stairs and throw myself on my bed.

  Who knows how long it’s been. I can’t do anything but just lie here, staring up at the canopy above me. I remain here zoned out until my alarm sounds, signaling it is time for Daddy’s show. It’s our time to be together. I slowly stand and drag myself down the stairs where I find Daddy in his chair. “Do you feel good enough for company?”

  He looks at me and pats his lap. “I’m always ready for your company, Cherry. You’re my little girl, my princess.”

  I sit on his lap and snuggle with Daddy in front of the TV. His favorite show is Modern Marvels, and he watches it every night at eight o’clock. I think it’s really boring, but I love being with my Daddy. I lay here, really quiet, and just trying to be brave so I can ask Daddy my question. I can’t think of anything else.

  I take a deep breath to prepare. “Daddy, is it my fault you’re sick? Is it because I lied about taking the gum from Mama’s purse? I didn’t mean to lie, but I was scared to get in trouble. I don’t like you being mad at me.”

  “Oh Princess Cherry, I know that you took the gum, and so does your Mama. We aren’t angry that you took it. You shouldn’t lie, but that’s not why I’m sick. It’s a fact of life that sometimes people get sick. There is nothing we can do to change it. We just have to learn to deal with what we’re dealt,” he says, still looking at the TV screen.

  I’m not really sure what he means about that, but I nod my head like I always do when I don’t understand. I remember getting sick before, but it was different. I got better. Daddy squeezes me super tight. “Stop worrying, Cherry. I’ll be fine.” If Daddy says I don’t have to worry, then I won’t. He’s my hero. I snuggle Daddy back and give him a big kiss on the cheek. I feel a lot better about everything.

  I must have fallen asleep as I awaken in Daddy’s arms carrying me to my room. I’m very tired and I can barely keep my eyes open. They roll back in my head, closing again. I breathe in deeply and burrow my face into Daddy’s neck. He smells so good, like fresh soap and aftershave. I twirl my finger through the short hair at the back of his neck and pop my thumb into my mouth, sucking softly. I’m not supposed to suck my thumb, but sometimes if I’m really upset I still do. It’s the only thing that makes me feel better. Daddy usually allows it, but if Mama sees then I’ll surely be in trouble.

  “Cherry,” Daddy says softly. “You know how much I love you right?” Daddy’s voice cracks a little as he asks me this.

  “Daddy,” I say sleepily. “I know you love me to the moon and back. The same way I love you.” Daddy kisses my brow and lays me on my bed, pulling the covers up tight around my body. I see him in the doorway of my room, the light from the hallway looking almost like a halo around his body as he smiles at me.

  “Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.” That’s the last thing I remember him saying before I doze off, but I don’t remember if I answered.

  Chapter Four

  Cherry

  I shouldn’t have been so gullible. I was being happy for no reason. It feels like sometimes my feet are in molasses or really thick mud and I can’t move. I want to help, but I can’t. I’m just a little girl and even I know something isn’t right, but no one will explain anything to me. Daddy isn’t getting any better and his cough is really bad. Earlier today he was coughing so hard he almost threw up. He did spit out yu
cky stuff, and sometimes it looks like it has blood in it. He usually yells for me to leave when he gets like that, but sometimes I catch a glimpse.

  My big, strong daddy isn’t as strong as he used to be, and he says he doesn’t have any energy. At first, Daddy was still going to the office daily. I know he tried and tried as hard as he could, but then he had to stop going to work as time passed. I heard Daddy tell Mama a while back that he was lucky his boss let him work from home, but then Daddy couldn’t work a whole day anymore because he stayed too tired, so his boss let him go to half days. Eventually, Daddy couldn’t work at all, and now Daddy doesn’t even get out of bed, not even to join us for dinner.

  Mama and Daddy fight all the time now and they never used to, almost never. It makes my heart feel funny and I cry, but I can’t help it. Mama is angry that Daddy is sick and can’t work anymore. She keeps saying things like I’m tired and I can’t do this anymore. I know Mama is upset that there is never enough money, and for that she blames Daddy, along with everything else. It makes me feel like I should do something to help, but I don’t know how.

  “Babe, I’m terrified of losing you and don’t know what I’ll do without you. I don’t think I can survive it. If you had just gone to see the doctors on time, maybe none of this would be happening.” Mama is walking around waving her hands like crazy. “Then, I get mad at myself for talking like that, because it’s not your fault that you’re sick, but I’m so stressed and frustrated.” At those words she stops and pulls at her hair, showing how frustrated she is. “I sound like the most ungrateful wife, but babe, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation with medical bills piling up and no money to pay them if you had just listened to me. I’m scared and acting out of fear. I’m angry that you’re sick. It isn’t fair.” I watch them, unable to leave. Mama actually stomps her foot like I do when I’m throwing a temper tantrum. I would smile, but the situation is too serious for that. “For once, if you didn’t stick your head in the sand when problems arise, we might not be in this position. That’s what pisses me off. I should be that important to you, for you to think. I’m pissed off at the situation and I don’t know any way out from what I’m feeling.”